bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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