Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
