my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I will pee on everything he values.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
