she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can tuck mytits in my pants
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
