Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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