I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
