have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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