Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
