If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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