i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
