I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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