first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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