It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
