so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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