my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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