Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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