I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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