Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
