Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
