If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
