You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
