Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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