I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
