I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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