im about as happy as oj after his trial
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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