you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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