I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So apparently I’m into choking now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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