That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
