I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
