You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
