I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
