I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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