dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
