Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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