I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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