So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the condom got lost in my hair
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
