So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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