I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
