they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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