How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
