They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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