imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
