Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.