Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
