I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
