actually, I'm a sock model
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
