Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
