You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Drunk is a universal language darling
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
