i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
