Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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