Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
