There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
