guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
