omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So vagazzling was a success
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
