You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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