No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
