I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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