so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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