i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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