The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
