Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
