I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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