You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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