Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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