There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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