so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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