can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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