break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
