i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
