I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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