My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
