just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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