I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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