Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
