I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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