is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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