Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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