party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
