So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
