the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
