I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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