She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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